Bible In Six Months

Day 46 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Wed, 08 Aug 2012 15:56:52 -0400

Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, Matthew, Mark, Luke. Twenty-five percent complete with the Bible. It’s pretty cool. Anyways …

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22:31-32)

Do all Christians have this same assurance that Peter had? If Jesus prayed over Peter a faith that could not be destroyed, then I trust the Lord granted such a faith.

As for the rest of us, Jesus warns that there are many kinds of soil, and the seed sown may not last for many (Mark 4:3-9). Paul and Timothy warn us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). James says that we must endure trials until the end to know that our faith was long-lasting (James 1:2-12).

I hear often that Christians have assurance of salvation, but I honestly never know if I have that assurance. So often do I recognize that my soil is dry, rocky, filled with ravenous crows, and covered in thorn bushes. I quickly choke out the seedlings of the Word in my life. Each day I tremble before God regarding my salvation because I know how quickly my heart turns away from Him. And as much as I’d like to believe that Christians have assurance of salvation, most of my trust rests in James’ words, which do not really give me any peace or rest. James simply says that when I receive the crown of life and cast it before the feet of Jesus, then I will know that my faith has endured. Really, James? My death and my resurrection will be the only ways to know that my faith was true?

I wish I might hear Jesus’ words. “Keith, Keith, Satan wants you, but I have prayed that your faith will last.” That would bring so much peace.

God, give me faith. Help my unbelief!

Totally off-track// Tortuga

dwmill — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 16:46:00 -0400

Here’s just a comment (originally to Apollo, but I figured I’d put it here instead), sorry guys!

So it’s been a while since I’ve seen our dollars, and I just pulled out a twenty and realized I’d forgotten Jackson was on it. Now all I can think is how perverse and bizarre our country is and how complicit we are in forgetting or ignoring what’s happened (t)here. Why is his face there? Why do we let him stay there? Are we afraid to denounce him? There are so many reasons to be proud of the U.S. and most of them come down to the principles we’ve managed to live out. For every one of those principles, though, we’ve also done something entirely in the opposite, and usually pretty frequently and grotesquely.

I wish we could step back and honestly identify how corrupt we’ve been, at least it would be honest. The one thing is, by having Jackson on the 20 we’re constantly broadcasting part of our history. Even though being on money is an honor, I’d like to think we keep him there to remind ourselves of how terrible our enlightened society, what we’ve called the last great hope, has proven itself to be. I guess it can serve for those who follow Christ as a reminder of how far short this nation we’re in falls from the reality that Christ has ushered in as God’s Kingdom.

In any case, I’m really glad that Jesus Christ is who he is, and our record of his life and words and works hasn’t been corrupted. We’ve done a lot of horrible things in this country and tried to say it was for the God of the Bible. We’ve been so willing to lie and cheat our way out of God’s word to get what we really wanted to, and have justified so much evil with a book which is full of a more powerful love and the most true good than anything else records. If the Bible were just written by normal people, it wouldn’t so powerfully counter our nature, which casts humans aside like waste. I believe that if the Bible were just written by normal people without the Spirit’s guidance, it probably wouldn’t condemn us even when we try to say we’re following it. If it were just human writing, it would probably endorse our evil.

Day 36 through 41 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Sat, 04 Aug 2012 00:05:00 -0400

Each night on my bed, I found myself looking up from within at the vertex where the wooden poles of the teepee merged and overlapped with one another. Never would I have imagined myself to be, but I was a camp counselor for 3-5th graders.

I thought, “Is this what it would be like to be in heaven?” Complete peace, that is. Something I’ve really been craving. The one camper who had given me grief throughout the entire week was finally put to sleep. No kids screaming or fighting. No make-your-own whistles from acorn shells annoyingly screeching about. All I felt was myself breathe. None of my worries from back home had followed me to the top of that mountain. None of it occupied my mind. All I could see was the white tarp of the teepee in contrast with the jutting rays of black wood that kept the tent up above me.

I imagined God within the tent. And if you think me not irreverent, just for this moment, it was as if His presence were the shelter itself.

My favorite chapter from the Bible is Hosea 2. It talks about God taking His adulterous people, Israel, back to Himself. God steals Israel back from the other gods to which she bowed down, and He takes away her well-cared vineyards and treasured goods which she gave credit to other men and gods. He then leads her through the desert and makes her His bride, where she forgets all of her former idolatrous ways as she looks in the face of her God and Master, whom she now calls her Bridegroom and Husband.

One thing I’ve never understood about Hosea 2, however, was verse 15: “And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.”

What is the Valley of Achor? While at camp (and while being on track with my daily readings), I finally understood that the Valley of Achor was the valley in which an Israelite, Achan, had been found guilty of being unfaithful to God’s commandments (Joshua 7). Because of this one sin, God permitted all of Israel to be overwhelmed by her adversaries. And when Israel discovered the source of her downfall, they stoned Achan with a great heap of stones. And then it hit me: the Valley of Achor means “the Valley of Trouble.” Achan brought trouble on God’s Israel, and God had justly brought trouble upon Achan.

But in the Valley of Trouble, God places Hope. A troublemaker received his just and troubling punishment. And later, Hope in the flesh, received a troublesome sentence at the hands of troublesome people like myself.

I often and willingly turn aside from Hope in almost everything I do. So often are the future days’ worries found in my heart and mind. So often do I let the wind and seas shake my eyes from walking toward my Savior. So often are the names of other gods found on my lips; but He “will remove the names of the Baals from my mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more” (Hosea 2:17).

One day, I will experience this peace. I trust that this peace will be more undisturbed and eternally satisfying than the brief silence I found in the dingy, white teepee tent - as serene as it was. The new Shelter in which I will find myself will be none other than Christ Jesus.

Come, Lord Jesus. Come.

The Days go on// Tortuga

dwmill — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 13:44:00 -0400

I harden my heart in so many ways. I know the good I ought to do, and then desperately try to pretend like I never heard anything that might lead me to believe God meant for me to actually go through with it.

I’m in good Christian company in this hard-hearted place. We know that Christ told us to give to everyone who begs from us, but we go beyond just saying “Well, I’m not sure what he’d use the money for and I might just be making a problem worse” and often don’t give at all. We don’t smile, don’t engage in conversation, we just ignore those asked of us and go our way.

He also told us to give more of what we’ve got on us if someone tries to steal, so if they ask for your wallet, give them your jacket too. Does this happen? I think I might be too afraid to consider what action I should take in that instance. Often people try to struggle or resist, and at the very least, we all try to find a way to get our stuff back. But Jesus the actual person told us to just let stuff go, and to give and give and give.

He also said to treat people as we would like to be treated. That’s so often repeated and sewed into pillows that it seems meaningless, but when you think about what he’s actually saying in its full weight, it smacks you pretty hard in the face. Jesus is talking about that while saying to love those who are persecuting us, who hate us. To pray for the good of the one who would torture and beat us. Our love for God, who loves and gives and gives and gives to the evil and ungrateful (which would be, well…us), should be so strong that even when we’re getting hurt badly we can see beyond ourselves to the creation of God whose actively harming us or wishing us harm.

If we’re supposed to that for our active enemies, we probably shouldn’t avoid going out of our way to show love and serve the normal people who aren’t actually planning our pain. I wish I loved God enough to love his creation enough to want to desperately serve him in humility by serving in his kingdom. I really wanted that once, but lately I have to remind myself that it’s God’s will. I need to get back to studying His word and hope that He fills me with energy and love to pour myself out for others and see beyond myself. He’s definitely matured me to a point of sensitivity and selflessness I used to be far, far away from, and I don’t want to say that I’m totally terrible because He’s actually done a lot in me, but I’m also far, far away from the model of love, humility, and service shown by our awesome God, covered in dirt and blood, nailed to a tree, washing our feet, and being moved by our needs.

God is such a better human than I am.

Day 34 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 04:35:00 -0400

Time for another awkward post!

“If any man among you becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he shall go outside the camp. He shall not come inside the camp, but when evening comes, he shall bathe himself in water, and as the sun sets, he may come inside the camp.” (Deuteronomy 23:10-11)

So, I was talking with a friend one day. And we were talking about masturbation and our views about it. He held the view that it did less harm - possibly no harm at all - especially compared to pornography or premarital sex. I asked, “So, you can masturbate without lusting?” Because, I think that lust in itself is destructive. I think that’s what the Bible teaches, at least.

But I often have the same thoughts as my friend, however. I even wonder, did Jesus masturbate? I mean, to experience self-stimulating pleasure is not any worse than feeling the physical self-stimulation of giving oneself the pleasure of food … or the emotional pleasure of friendship … or the mental pleasure of rest and sleep. As far as Christians know, it is that Jesus did not lust. Perhaps He could have masturbated without lust.

After all, He had to have had a nocturnal emission at some point in is life if He chose not to masturbate. So, knowing that Jesus followed the Law perfectly, He would have had to make a Temple sacrifice for the uncleanliness of a seminal emission under either circumstance, right?

Is this blasphemous? It feels weird, but at the same time, I feel like it ought not to be.

Perhaps this is just my liberal, gender/sexuality-oriented, Berkeley mindedness sinking in.

In the meantime, I’ll be gone for a week. No posts from me for a while (which I guess is a good thing, because I seem to be the only one posting now … and my posts are tending to get weirder and weirder as of late).

Day 33 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 18:37:53 -0400

Why is this the first time I’ve actually noticed the difference between Luke and the other gospels? I’ve known for quite sometime the discourse that people have had regarding Luke and the “Q source,” but this is the first time I have noticed for myself the uniqueness of the Gospel of Luke.

The other Synoptic Gospels seem to start right off the bat with the nativity and Jesus’ baptism. But Luke is addressing his as a letter to Theophilus, which I suppose to mean “friend of God.”

And though the other Gospels of Matthew and Mark show glimpses of Jesus’ divinity, Luke is the most blunt of the three. He tells us that heavenly hosts sing of Jesus’ coming, Elizabeth and her unborn baby are filled with the Spirit, and Mary even shouts the famous Magnificat (Luke 1). Simeon and Anna phrophesy of Jesus’ messianic and divine nature after His circumcision (Luke 2). Following that, this is the first time in the Gospels that Jesus is ever mentioned as a child, who even at twelve years, shocked people with His wisdom (1:41-52).

But that’s not all. What blew me away was when Jesus walked into Nazareth, practically stating His purpose by opening Isaiah’s scroll and reading aloud Isaiah 61:

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor” (Luke 4:18-19).

He rolled up the scroll and sat back down saying, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing” (Luke 4:21).

He must have been a lunatic to walk into the midst of a Jewish assembly and declare Himself Israel’s ultimate Messiah. If someone were to walk into my church today and say, “Yep. That thing that you read, the Bible? Well, yeah, it’s really all about me.” I’d think him a lunatic and blasphemer, and if I were living under Jewish halakhic law, the congregation would take Him out and stone him.

Likewise, the people around Jesus responded initially with a blank stare and became filled with rage to the point that they pushed Him to a cliffside, but did not prevail in killing Him.

But, man. Luke is a pretty insane historian.

Day 32 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 01:51:00 -0400

As I read today, I was arguing with and totally disrespecting my mom. I actually was talking back to her. “Go ahead. Shake your head,” I said to her as she swung her head side-to-side at me in disappointment and shock. Yeah. Simultaneously sinning while reading the Bible. It was a pretty big argument with lots of back-talk, and we’re still not talking …

Something is really wrong with me, and I’m not sure what’s gotten into me lately. “Sin is crouching at the door,” but I am to master it. But as the supposed master of sin, what if I decide to let him in? As the master, I have that freedom, no? According to God, I’d be granting Death a visit; I, the host, would become the house slave. But the sound of his knock is quite beckoning. In fact, I think I’ve let him in already. And I don’t remember when I did.

Much of what I read today came as a quick blur. Maybe it was because my mother’s voice and my voice were far too loud for me to hear what I was even reading. And even after our argument, I just found myself too angry to hear what God had to say … other than this section:

“If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son or your daughter or the wife you embrace or your friend who is as your own soul entices you secretly, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ … you shall not yield to him or listen to him, nor shall your eye pity him, nor shall you spare him, nor shall you conceal him. But you shall kill him. Your hand shall be first against him to put him to death, and afterward the hand of all the people.” (Deuteronomy 13:6-9)

I find it so easy to turn from God. Death has made a long journey and he is willing to greet me at my doorpost bearing a basket of comfort and pleasure. God, who supposedly is omnipresent and omnipotent, seems off in the mountainside taking His precious time (lest He tire Himself), promising from afar the great Gift He has for me: Himself.

I read this book called Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill. I thought it a good read. It made me look forward to the day when God would look at my struggles as I waited for Him. He would look at me and see His Son, who gave me strength to fight until the end. He’d give me strength to fasten my locks to Death as I prepared my house for the coming Bridegroom. And at His arrival, I’d hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Master.”

But I don’t feel empowered anymore. Washed and Waiting may have been a good read, but I really am tired of waiting. It’s times like these when I’d much prefer the fate of the idolatrous Israelite.

Day 28 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 15:37:39 -0400

Weird Bible Fact: When Jesus was captured and arrested, it appears there was a young, naked guy following Him.

“And a young man followed Him, with nothing but a linen cloth about his body. And they seized him, but he left the linen cloth and ran away naked.” (Mark 14:51-52)

Day 27 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 04:23:00 -0400

The story of Balaam has always intrigued me. (Pretty much any non-Israelite who communicated with God or had astounding, “insider” knowledge of Abraham’s laudable God intrigues me.)

Would Balaam have been a priest of the Zoroastrian religion? Seeing that he was a contemporary of Moses, it would have been understandable if he were a follower of polytheistic faiths - just like the rest of the faiths during those times. Rather, it seems he was monotheistic (Numbers 22:8), which is especially (and specifically) a characteristic of the Zoroastrian religion. It’s just baffling how God still used this outsider as His own prophet.
What about King Melchizedek? Where did he come from and what knowledge did he have that he could bless the one and only God, Abraham’s God (Genesis 14)? He is mentioned in a mere verse or two, and yet Paul extracts a whole theological essay about Jesus being the High Priest of the order of Melchizedek (Hebrews 7). What the heck, dude.
What caused Ruth to bless God and cry to her mother-in-law, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16)?
And Job. He was not of Israel as far as I know. In fact, he was an inhabitant of the far-away land of Uz. He was healthy and wealthy. Yet, he did not make this a reason not to have a firm faith in God. From where did this Godly knowledge come? From where did this faith ignite? When God dealt with Israel in the desert, Israel angrily cursed at God every time (e.g. Numbers 20:3). But when God dealt with Job by means of loss and sickness, Job still blessed God: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21).

None of this was meant to put Balaam in a good light, because his overall story is rather twisted. But it’s just intriguing how God used (and saved) people who weren’t initially His own.

Day 26 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 01:48:00 -0400

Sometimes, as I read the Torah, I just think that Moses and Aaron were theocratically in cahoots with one another. Did God really tell you that, Moses? Or is it you just trying to keep things going your way?

I especially thought this when a poor idiot went out to gather sticks on the Sabbath after the bajillionth time God said not to work on the Sabbath (Numbers 15:32-36). The result: a good, old fashioned stoning. And immediately after, God decides to talk about tassels. Woo. Accessories!

Anywho, according to Jesus, the Sabbath was made to keep the needs of man - not for man to keep the requirements of the Sabbath (Mark 2:27). Quite frankly, I don’t know where Jesus got this idea from, because the Law says that the Sabbath is for God, not for man, and it is kept unto Him, not unto man (Deuteronomy 5:12), and that His people are to keep the requirements of the Sabbath (Deuteronomy 5:14).

Why did Jesus not allow the Pharisees to stone the adulterous woman who was caught in the act (John 8:1-15)? Instead, He outsmarts the Pharisees and says, “Let anyone who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.” How and why then does Jesus, who is supposed to be the same just God who was displayed in the Torah, permit the constantly rebellious, sinful Israel to cast stones at the poor Sabbath breaker and the young half-Egyptian, half-Israelite boy for blashpeming (Leviticus 24:10-16)?

For He says to Moses, “I WILL HAVE MERCY ON WHOM I HAVE MERCY, AND I WILL HAVE COMPASSION ON WHOM I HAVE COMPASSION.” (Exodus 33:19, Romans 9:15).

Then show mercy and compassion to me, God, because I know that Your kindness brings life and repentance.

Day 25 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 17:43:28 -0400

“But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” And Jesus said to him, “‘If You can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:22-24)

Help my unbelief!

Day 24 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 02:54:00 -0400

“For whoever is ashamed of Me and of My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:38)

I am ashamed of Jesus’ words. Almost every single waking moment, I loathe and despise His Word.

As much as I wish I could have stated that with a sense of joy and liberation and relief, there’s a great part of me that knows I’m missing a great part of the Gospel and this part of me yearns to cling to what He says. Because He’s the only Truth, and I firmly know that there’s no relief in falsehoods and fallacies. I cannot deny that He is the Son of God - perfect, holy, blameless, worthy of praise. With my whole life, I cannot muster the strength to ever publicly lie and declare these words, that “There is no God; Christ is dead” because I know well that Christ is risen and is God of the living.

Yet I don’t want His will. I don’t want to bend to His ways. And it is never difficult for me to think, “Fuck this shit. If I do my own thing, maybe He’ll save me from myself regardless. If I belong to Him, He’ll find me if I wander.” After all, whomever He frees is free. And whoever is not found to be in Christ will never stand before God.

Where, then, do I stand amongst these two groups? Am I a servant to the prince of the air or a son of the great Abba? Am I lost or just less found? Will Christ be ashamed of me or allow me to come to Him? Because if I am left to my own, then I am as free as a dead man can be. I can go out and love any person whom I want to love and experience whatever sensation I want to experience. And what a silly thought: perhaps I’d even be able to enjoy it all! Yes! To live and to love without these constant convictions. I think that’s what I want, after all, God.

But if I am free, then miraculously show Your will to me and miraculously open my eyes and miraculously humble me and miraculously deliver me. Though lives are transformed on my left and right, I’ve really lost hope that I’ll ever be changed.

Sacrificing-Tortuga

dwmill — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 19:15:00 -0400

Blood and wailing and kicking. Bodies stacked on bodies while black smoke burns fat and seeps through the tabernacle and meeting court. Muddy blood splattered on the ground, the walls, the priests, the guilty. That’s how I imagine the sacrificial system God created for the Israelites.

There are guilt, peace, and sin offerings of goats, rams, lambs, birds, and bulls. With hundreds of thousands of guilty, constantly sinning children of Israel, Aaron and his sons must’ve been nearly always killing, burning, skinning, cutting, or moving sacrifices out in the heat.

It’s hard to read and imagine what’s going on without getting that God takes sin really, really seriously. It’s not some far off, philosophical idea that we can minimize and minimize until we’re not really sure we’re doing anything wrong. He’s clear about it, and serious as death. If you sinned, there was gonna be blood—because God is holy. He’s not a person like any they’d ever seen, and he wasn’t a God they could create and they couldn’t invent some new morality. God is holy and the Israelites would be his people, and if that was true, either they would need to be holy like he is holy, to be deserving of him, or they would be destroyed. Since they couldn’t be holy and he didn’t want to destroy them immediately, he let them get away with offering sacrifices, or maybe required sacrifices to remind them how close they were to death and seriously they were to take following him.

If the kicking and whelping of the animals whose necks were slit as their owners laid their hands on the heads wasn’t enough, the Israelites could always remember the other sons of Aaron, who were burnt in fire after improperly preparing incense. Aaron holds his tongue after Moses reminds him of God’s purpose and ultimate authority. Are we capable of holding our tongue and trusting God when the hard stuff comes our way? Or do we try to find ways out of it possibly being God’s doing because we don’t want to believe he could work in the way he might need to, when the world is so broken, to make something better from the broken pots we’ve made ourselves into.

Life is real hard, and I really think it’s because we try not to be satisfied with the surpassing good God’s given us. We’re redeemed and always being redeemed.

But even those miles and miles of lifeless animals, sacrificed every day, every week, every year. All those lives extinguished at their greatest strength, without blemish, to show that sin is a plague and a distortion and it only destroys. Well, they weren’t close to enough. Thank God that we don’t have to pile up the bodies anymore—becoming immune to the cost and emptily and with hard hearts offering another life to cover our latest mishap. Thank God that God’s given us more than a symbol or quick patch—he’s given us full redemption, he’s let us become the sacrifices, only to be raised again into life.

We get to be lambs, but instead of littering the desert, he lifts us up and starts to mold us and shape us. I know I’m undeserving to even be a sacrifice before the Lord—I’m not unblemished or the mightiest, only Christ is. Thank God that his love and humility were so great that he became what we couldn’t even stoop so low to be, that in all ways he is a better man and one we don’t deserve.

Day 23 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 15:14:47 -0400

This is a Theodosius summary of God’s promise to His people:

“O beloved Israel, I will bless you and make you fruitful if you obey My commandments … (Lev. 26:1-13)

“But I will pile your stinking, emaciated, dead, diseased bodies on top of one another in foreign lands if you turn from Me. Don’t worry. At least the land will finally be at rest when you’re gone from it.” (Lev. 26:14-46)

Ha. I’m really fighting myself from posting some really bad, blasphemous things (due to my deeply wicked and angry heart). So, I’ll stop here.

Day 22 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 03:59:00 -0400

Every time I get to Mark’s description of the woman suffering from internal bleeding, I get amazed and sad and perplexed all at the same time. She had faith that Christ’s very garments could cure her physical ailment! With that, I begin to wonder two things. (1) To what extent can Jesus heal and (2) how much faith is required for healing?

As for the first question (with a seemingly obvious answer), just as this woman was physically broken, she was physically healed. In the previous city, a man was spiritually broken and plagued by a legion of demons (Mark 5:1-20), yet he was spiritually healed. Surely, then, the Messiah can heal me of my affliction.

This leads me to the second question, do I lack faith? The bleeding woman said, “If I touch even His garments, I will be made well.” And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease (Mark 5:28-29). And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease” (5:34). It was not her touching His garment that healed her, because Jesus said it was her faith that made her well. Why, then, am I not made well?

It’s ironic that I claim to be charismatic. I have witnessed physical healings, listened to fulfilled prophecies, and have heard languages (known and unknown) to men. I’ve seen and heard testimonies of miraculous things, but for some reason, I find reason today to be callous to the idea of God as healer. I am Sarah, in her barren and old age, and I laugh at God. I scoff at the idea of God ever healing me in this life. This shouldn’t be the case.

Days 19 through 21 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 15:03:00 -0400

WARNING: Awkward sex talk. Jesus, being fully man and fully God, taught us the true way to be human. Apparently, sin kept us from true humanity. But as I read Leviticus, I see things, some of which are so essentially human, become things that are so fundamentally wicked and fall short of God’s glory. And I don’t understand why.

God instructs that a burnt offering and sin offering be made for the woman’s uncleanliness due to childbirth (Leviticus 12). Men who happen to ejaculate or women who happen to be menstruating must make these same sacrifices, and go through an eight-day cleansing and ritual bathing process (Leviticus 15). The act of sex itself, God considers unclean (15:18).

Procreation is a commandment since Creation. God blesses it in Genesis. And now, I’m getting frustrated that God would call it “uncleanliness.”

I also find it interesting (in an irked kind of way) how God despised the Canaanites for homosexual acts (Lev. 18:22) as much as He despised them for having sex with a menstruating woman (18:19). Nowadays, I have never heard people condemn a husband for having sex with his wife while she is vaginally bleeding (whether it is from her menstruation or him popping her hymen), but people so often make a big, angry fuss about homosexuals being in love and showing it to one another.

Perhaps it is just a matter of culture (myself included) being more depraved, and openly accepting what God has deemed as wrong. Because God equally condemns incest; and granted, last time I checked, not much of our open and tolerant society has looked with favor upon incest (except maybe only secretly via pornographic materials).

I guess this rant is coming out of frustration. I feel frustrated by these issues a lot. And it seems my posts tend to show it. The truth of the matter, I have to remind myself (even though I don’t feel like it), is that God offers salvation that leads to our sanctification, justification, and reconciliation through His Son alone.

“Truly, I say to you, all sins will be forgiven the children of man, and whatever blasphemies they utter, but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin.” (Mark 3:28-29)

I shouldn’t reject or mourn over the good and marvelous works of the Holy Spirit in my life.

Day 18 - Theodosius It’s so strange and wicked how cold I...

kilakeith — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 03:07:30 -0400

Day 18 - Theodosius

It’s so strange and wicked how cold I can become to the Lord of lords suffering and dying for my sin. Today’s reading allowed me a glimpse of His great redeeming love as a Shepherd, Preserver, Friend, and Savior to those who were undeserving.

In “If You Want Me To,” Ginny Owens, a blind musician, worships God for these exact saving and holy qualities that He has shown in Christ. I only hope to be able to learn to follow Him more deeply and intimately as she has described, because in the end, He is the only One who will remain.

“When I cross the River Jordan,
I’m gonna sing and I’m gonna shout.
Gonna look into Your eyes, and see You never let me down.
So, take me on the pathway that leads me home to You.
And I’ll walk through the valley, if You want me to.”

“From now on you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power and coming on the clouds of heaven.” (Matthew 26:64)

19// Alive. - Tortuga

dwmill — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 19:29:00 -0400

And behold, Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came up and took hold of his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.”

Just like that!

The thing is, when I look at my life I realize what an antagonist I am. I’m a horrible television friend always borrowing money from the main character and never repaying—acting like I legitimately care before stealing his car knowing he needs it to drive his sick grandmother to the hospital for dialysis. And every time I show up on the show again, you’re like “NOOOOO! Why do they even have this character? He’s so unbelievable! So unrelatable! And all it does is make the main character seem like a total idiot for forgiving him over and over again.” Even so, I keep popping back up in every.single.episode and in every.single.episode I do something more callous than seems possible, as the main character seems to waste his time carefully tending to me and all the problems I pile on top of him, before going out and creating more problems for myself which I then casually pass on to him.

That’s the same exact story the Israelites were running. Like Keith said, you can’t help but think they suffer from serious defects in adapting to reality when they so quickly forget who the Lord is and what he’s done. Just as it was for them it is for me; the best character in my own life, the one everyone identifies with because they couldn’t imagine being the annoyingly reoccurring jerk, isn’t even me! In my own life I’m the antagonist! I’m fighting myself and tripping myself up and tying myself up to be thrown onto the train tracks!

Timmy Shaw once said that if human history were theater we would be the fourth servant while God played every other role. That’s true, in that God’s the one authoring history, who actually understands everything that’s going on, and who’s very nature sort of obliterates the idea of human sovereignty. I’d say you could also make an argument that if life were a play, humanity would play the damsel in distress as well as the wicked queen. We’re farcically chasing ourselves into the grave while God’s running after us over and over.

The resurrection is of inconceivable importance, and if I were to really meditate on it as it deserves (and it deserves all my thoughts, certainly), I’d only be able to grapple with some of the myriad, flowing consequences. What I can say is that even if my life is still often a tiringly self-defeating string of poor moves, since accepting Christ and the resurrection God has actually been prevailing.

I don’t want to pretend like I’m always on board with God’s work. I’d love to say that I am, because it makes absolute sense—his free love and grace and mercy are the best deal, offered at the price of Christ’s life and giving me access to unending and abiding peace and life. I’d love to say I’m so rational as to live a life which reflects the truth of Christ’s death and resurrection—in reality, I’m not. I still choose to act like that’s not true, or act like even though it’s true, it’s not the absolutely incredible reality-tearing obliteration of death and suffocating invasion of perfect love that it actually is. That is to say, I take it for granted.

Even with my thick-skulled hardheartedness, I can’t sit here and deny that he’s actually prevailed. I’ve seen myself say and do things that I would never have normally even conceived of. I’ve stopped myself from saying and doing things that I would never have otherwise even cared to think twice about. I know I can be pretty self-righteous sometimes, but that doesn’t do anything to explain the change and growth I’ve undergone in the past few years. Believe me, my desire for sin is a lot stronger than my desire to look like I don’t have sin. Plus, you can get extra self-righteous points now for calling someone out for judging you when you do actually sin, so it goes both ways.

I am alive and growing only because of the resurrection of Christ. For those of you who know me and where I’ve been, you know that at times in my life the idea of self-control has seemed to me like blasphemy.

Christ is Risen Christ is Risen Christ is Risen. There’s really no other explanation for the things I’ve seen, the lives I’ve seen changed, the healing I’ve watched take people (and myself) over. I’ve seen salvation flowing, even uphill against an avalanche of obstinate hedonism, and salvation isn’t offered by anything other than Christ. That’s because every other philosophy you’re gonna find isn’t actually offering salvation, it’s saying that you can find a way to save yourself. Every other philosophy says that salvation’s on the top of a mountain you’re gonna have to climb on your own, or it judgmentally tells you you’re already there and just better than the evil ones.

Since that mountain’s impossible to climb when bombarded by our wants and desires, I’m glad that there’s at least one person who was willing to take on the fight I never was. I know that God will continue to redeem me, and my opposition will become less and less powerful. So love wins, and we can actually start living LIFE.

It is done.

Our sins are carried far away.

Christ is Risen.

We are found.

Days 16 & 17 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 02:28:00 -0400

I had to use today to catch up on the reading plan, because of Day 16: officially the first day that I have missed. Yesterday, I started reading the first sentence of Exodus 29, another list of boring priestly things, and was like, “Nope. I’m not doing this. Not in the mood.” So, I just decided not to even read …

Turns out, I missed out on some good reading. Moses goes up a mountain to speak with God. After forty days, the Israelites sat there and said, “Oh, well. Looks like Moses went missing. Let’s do our own thing now.” They decided to build their own gods, claiming that it was the image of the golden calf that brought them from Egypt.

And the Lord said to Moses, “Go down, for your people, whom you brought up out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves. They have turned aside quickly out of the way that I commanded them. They have made for themselves a golden calf and have worshiped it and sacrificed to it and said, ‘These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!’” (Exodus 32:7-8)

And it was all rather humorous to me as I read. God grew furious, and almost cut off all of Israel for their sin. Moses also got pissed. He broke the inscriptions of God in fury, ground the golden calf into powder, dumped the powder into water, and made the Israelites drink the gold-flake water. If that’s not hard core enough, that was only the beginning of their punishment. Afterward, three thousand people - brothers, fathers, sons, neighbors, and friends - were slaughtered for their sin against God.

I sat there thinking how stupid the Israelites were. I said to myself, “Had I witnessed God’s plagues upon Egypt and His miracles in the desert, seen the pillar of smoke morning after morning and the pillar of fire night after night, eaten food sent from heaven day by day, encountered the people whom God had blessed in abundance, and seen His terrible wrath against those who defied Him, I would already have begun mourning and fasting, trembling in utmost fear, and worshiping the one and only Creator and King!”

But then I realized that these people whom I would call complete dumbasses, He calls His treasure. I am once again seeing that I make the same exact mistake every day that the Israelites had made in but one day. I often don’t realize this until God graciously and kindly reminds me of this truth to me either through His Word or through brothers and sisters in Christ, like David “Tortuga.” (Let it be known: I really love that man. A LOT.) I really am no different than the Israelites: disobeying the first commandment by placing other things before the great and only God. It is so weird to see my sin described so simply in Exodus 32-33.

It’s a really stupid sin considering how miraculously God saves.

Day 15 - Theodosius

kilakeith — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 02:13:00 -0400

As Flipper said, it’s starting to become easier to mentally check out as one reads the mitzvot (commandments) of God. I fear for the day when we begin Leviticus and Deuteronomy … complete with all of the priestly codes and rules. I am beginning to read Exodus as a long series of rules and remarks that sound something like, “Make this gold. Make that shaped like bells and pomegranates. Don’t chisel the stones to the altar. Blue cords. Tassels. Bells. Honk. Squeak. Honk. Squeak. Nod your head. Turn around. Sit down.”

It’s fairly easy for me to approach the Bible and take from it what I want. Methinks it is not necessarily a good thing. I have assumptions (most of the time they’re pretty faulty ones) when I come to the Bible. Regardless, I draw near and ask God to answer me while I am in my present state and way of thought.

Today’s reading didn’t seem to address what I wanted at all. I wanted God to open my eyes, and shed light and truth, and just break me as I am really struggling right now with what His Word says and how I should be living.

Perhaps I should simply be aware that God is declaring His sovereignty and His majesty. Maybe He is just stating to me that He is God. Because it’s through His Law and through His gracious Son that one learns more about who He is, I suppose. What God wants and what God does reveal His heart: His perfect justice and His amazing mercy.